That day, when I was told sharp
Life is all about colors,
And meaningless without -
I was all black and white.

Somebody,I don't remember who
Wisely fixed me up with some glue
And, then painted me a color
That was blended deep,dark blue
Now, I ain't no black and white
But that doesn't makes things right
No color lives long with these clouds
And there's no limit to paint the sky.
I was better with no color,before
When life was all black and white
At least,I used to feel happy then
Around,my hopes that behold all bright.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Under the sun -
I kept gazing all day
Bright though,
My surreal dream;
Out of nothing
Peeks me this way
I ignore!
It sinks under somehow
Into a self-pasted epidermis;
Hopes.
These are nothing ,but
Late layers of unwelcomed relationships
I laugh human a little then after
Well practiced - may it be
A day without sun
It's an odd life to live.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

And,because it was not
As easy as once thought
Why crippled-it broke away
Then slowly laughed ,and lost
These shattered smile - mine
No smooth chase ; no kind
What life is after all , but
O' my unconscious mind.
~

Blind - albeit ,
A balance for promises to keep.
An obscure understanding,
Without gravity to hold
And fix your weight
Into the ground.
A realization,however life-
So far to go.But
My steps take nowhere
From here.
At this point of confusion,
I'm jumping off on things
Some stupid statement
And,blank narratives I don't know.
"Nothing makes sense ! "
Probably,
The only thing that stays
When you are fragile
From within.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

An oddly mapped story;
Have you ever felt this way
My hostages -
Your expectations all over
Someday,
How I wish so,
I could deceive easily
A small act of "socialization"
In my head.
A sacred journey to solitude
Long away.
But,- that show is over now!
Never mind
We have some more time here.And
I've another synopsis to offer;
An oddly mapped story-
My life.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Entangled within,
Life has been strange these days
And,without any direction
Incomprehensible-
It's slightest appearance;
A mirage of desperation
To grow.
Well crafted ,
From the very beginning
Rooted thoughts are these
About-
To be or, not to be
I can only hope;
It won't last long though,
Above mere sophistication
There' d be something sparkling.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Whose laughter are these,sound so high?
Given,or some rambling words picked by
Why to be the one - you adore so well
As long as 'you' are, just be yourself.
~

With little curdle
I have sheltered myself
A day, a week or some months
I don't know
Might life slap such blow -
No can stand
I see clouds without silver linings;
They do glow though
Someway,
I feel wrapped tight today
And my soul offers wrinkled love
But some greens ,
And blue and colors I'd show
With a glimpse of your smile
In my head , In my head !
Before the end,
Let's not live a farewell
It's then miracle happens
Against all odds.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

I fear,
I see nowhere around
And,these lift overs-
An abstract realms of gravity
How far is to go ?
Is there some place to know??
Beyond this-
A rambling man I have been
But please,
It's never a trivial space
Of failures ; and glories-
There's much more to concede
You can't run free
With your tamed thoughts
Stay awake;
Until you find your own way
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Someday,I'll be here again
To behold these colored boats of joy
Floating silky ;like clouds
In the deep blue sky
Out of nowhere
I can feel it still-
This lake is no dark
Hanging trees,
A big chunk of mud - in between
And greens all around
As far as my eyes can see
Well,you can only tell me then
This grown is all that's greed in me
Or,may be,
You've a little less than me
And for years,and years it'll be like this
You know,
I'd threw it all -
But,
I've lived some golden lights
And may it be ,
May it be with you a slight
Someday.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

I beg,please
A bit of your laughter
Looking at my insane face-
These tangled hairs in my head
And broken tooth no white;
They are brushed since years!
In a way.
I'm rooted you won't find
Upon something you'll never mind
Be dazzled sometimes.
I beg,please
A moment of your hatred
With my shots upon this life;
Old,yet I hold upon nothing bright
Broken all I see- or,at least something mean
May it'll live with me;like for you it has been
I beg,please
I'm way too light to be buried under
Too heavy with no gravity over
May I fall deep down one day
Or will go blind in my heyday
To the sky-
I beg, please.

~ Shashi Raj Pandey

And there it is;everyday
A beautiful swing of hope
It will raise you up
Early morning,
That first golden ray
You won't believe-it will pierce!
Deep into millions of cells,and
Countless atoms
Underneath your skin.
This much,
You might have forgotten
But no more,please drop it
We all live with some prejudices
Bounded with our innate blind perceptions
"My sincere respect!"
But no more,
Be tingled with happiness
Live it!
Nothing more is there to worry about
As this single day,
It'll lift you up as high-
And as near to the sky;you can have it all!
In every moment,
Try to feel that air above
And,
Never forget to dive deep below
Everyday.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Free yourself,
When you grow-
Out of that bounded space
Might happen to be an unconscious one
Like,'You are safe in here'
And reach out there;
Far away your comfort zone
Just take a daring step
One,you should've taken long ago
Live free!
This air will never be the same
Then.It won't-keep that!
It's not your fault!
Can it ever be?
Never keep it inside.Or,
Let that drown you within
Reach out far-somewhere
Into unlimited possibilities
There's magic all around,
Minding some beautiful chances
And your heart.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Never mind,
This is just another bad day
And you've lived it all-
Times like this
A realization—
They drive you long
And,miles and miles to go
From here.
This can't be the only way
It can't be the only place to go
Just hold your faith-
Believe.
Keep your heart alive.
No wrong in that!
Do admire such innocence
After all,
Goodness is everywhere;
If you can feel
Almost,
Near to every little smile
Is a soft glow of melancholy
No wrong in that!
Keep smiling anyway
That makes things easy
Above all,
For many of us.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Gravity;
I've my own fear
Of being pulled down
And raised above.
"You know me"
In my heart,
I've nothing as named 'growth'
To reach
Just a soft desire
"To be a child again"
For a kind walk-
Selfless,that will drive
Far somewhere;
I don't know
And,one day
I'll swing on happiness
A smile with your face
And no else but goodness
In all loving eyes around-
It will stay.
Well ,that's my only dream,
And for all.
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

For tomorrow I have to leave home again
And,how long one can live with choice?
But please-you don't put me a name
Today,I have no sun above my head
Just a little bit of grown melancholy
That's all.
And my naive thoughts,
Is this a last day now?
No!Then why is such fear
"I can't share!" - I feel weak
You know.
Well,
Are all reasons legit,
To keep it all clear also
Amidst a pregnant pause;
The only choosen
I know nothing but silence-
In my heart.

~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Past few days;
A letter full of medicines
Narrates a cold story.
I've bought my own disease.
~

On my way home,everyday
These long rounds of bus ride
Four wheels;and so many two legged
All,running talks about this and that
In their own charm-I feel alone
with a cold occupied corner seat every time
Left unloved,the way things are these days
I need air!
But that fear,
I will never reach home
Sooner
Why it makes no sense to me
Altogether,right now.
Well,these droplets-softly tickling
From above knows better
Life has been some toughest climb
So far
But,
That's why my window seat!
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

रहरै रहरमा
यस्तो रोग पालेको छु
मन भित्र,
डर लाग्छ आफ्नै सोचहरू ।
कुन बाटो हिँड्नु छ र ?
पुग्नु कता सपना एक
जति बढ्छन्
पाउहरू,
अघि भन्दा पछी लाग्छ
तब,
निकै पर लागिएछ हुन्छु
सम्झदा पो यात्रा-अनी
कोश कति चले जस्तो
सोच्छु,
आफु छोडिएछु
रहरै रहरमा-
यस्तो रोग पालेको छु
मन भित्र ।
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Where do I stand,
This ground is so fragile.And
You know life's not so rooted
Well,we live with our own prejudices,therefore
Good or bad -it starts with nothing
But better;I have always supposed
May it be with hope,or
Thoughts,that comes floating all around
How naive can one be?
How long can it be?
Isn't it all rain that matters
For a beautiful sunshine underneath
Or these clouds;they can grow even darker
For summer is just near,and yet to come
They say "it won't";forever
But,does they even matter now
Little stuffs of madness, you call me a pessimistic,hereby
A liar I can be.
With my bags full of snow
And my heart,burnt with fire
Just to disguise,and to be loved
You will never know.
 
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

मुठ्ठी बाँधी समातेको
जिन्दगीको डोरी यो
थाहा छैन कुन पल
थाक्छन् आैँला,खुकुलो पर्लान्
खुशी होला तब मात्रै
बाँधिएको मन यो छ
एक फन्को मारी पुग्लान्
क्षितिज पर जिवन त्यो छ
हाँस्लान् ओठ आशिश जप्ने
सोच्छु कतै कहाँ त्यो छ
लुकाउनै पर्दो रहेछ
हाँसो भित्र चोट जो छ
सिर माथी आकाश होइन
भाग्य खुल्छ झरी पछी
अन्धकारमा छुन खोज्दा
भाग्छ पर जुनकिरी
जिन्दगीको ज्योति यस्तो
सम्झौताको लुकाछिपी
प्रत्येक स्वाश बाँची फूल्ने
चाहनाको बोट जो छ
हुर्कन्छ की मरी जान्छ
एक पटक रोपेपछी
कति चल्छस् पाउ उसै
बाटो आफै छोपेपछी
पुगिनु नै छैन अब
सुरु जहाँ अन्त्य त्यो छ

~ Shashi Raj Pandey

मलाई डर छ
बाटैमा गडेका उसका आँखाहरू
कतै आइपुग्छन्
अनी,
लैजान्छन् एक पटक चिमोटी भावनाहरू
तब मात्रै,रित्तो रहने
केवल सोच हुन्छ भन्थेँ होला
संमवेदनाको घुम ओडी
पथ्थर पनी त हाँस्न सक्छ
तर कतिन्जेल??
यहाँ त
बालुवा भरिएर शरीर भसिएको छ
भित्र-भित्रै
आफ्नै टुक्रा सँग अलग्गिएर बसेको उ
कहाँ तैरिन्छ र-
जिवन आफैमा पानी
आफैँमा ढुङ्गा ।
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

सूर्यको गती नै के छ र?
न दिन उ,
न रात हो
केवल घुमीरह्न्छौँ हामी
निरन्तर
आँखा चिम्लिएर
घरी उज्यालो,घरी अँध्यारो
हरीया रुखले घेरीएको बाटोहरू
शितल हावा चलोस् 'नचलोस्
के अर्थ जिवन,
मन भित्र राप छ
द्वन्द छ सम्झनाहरू को
त्यसै,
टाँसिन्छन् ठाँउ भन्दा बढी
मान्छेहरू
अनी रुन्छ आफै,
प्रक्रिती के र
उही जो थियो - रहन्छ
दिनहरू पो छूट्दैछन्
गते,बार तारीखहरू मा
भित्ते क्यलिन्डर बाट हराएका
राता अक्ष्यरहरू यी ।

~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Together,
It should be the only dream.And
Happiness is being with people
You love.
How long can a place hold?
What is beauty in mountains-
Green grasslands of north;Or
Long sea of plains.
It's just an instance; to hold your beliefs
And,
It must be a magic then-
I used to say
White clouds,they sail so lightly in the blue sky,
Gently touches the shrine of tops
Life should be like this,
Forever.
How beautiful is that.
But now it keeps you alone,
Always.
A lone keeper' never weeps for the crowd
But family,meanwhile -it takes no time.And
Life falls apart
In rush- friends;the dearly ones
People you love.
It has been my life -at the moment.

~ Shashi Raj Pandey

एकै बोट टाँसिएर पनि
जिवन र म
फुल्छौँ आफ्नै क्षितिज
लाग्छ भिन्न,
तर
हुर्किएको धर्ति जो यो
जरा फेरिए जस्तो
गुम्सिएर माटो मुनि
बालुवा भित्रको अन्तर-संघर्ष
पानी हुन्छ
अनी,
नसा-नसा दौडन्छ
एकोहोरो
मानिसहरू, र म
उही हतार पालेर बस्छौँ-मन भित्र
रहर त पालिने जात
जिवन त जिउने जात,
उसै ।
~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Early life,
It would be one day anyway
How naive they can make you keep
A slave you are -not just black
Not just white;
But a child,it's true.
And you realize,
Luck is nothing in to be here
Or,some gifts like abandoned people
You meet on your way.And
Belongings;
So much you lack within
Family,friends and love above all
A proper synchronization in between
Just like another pause,
Somewhere.
And,
When you live in practice-rather than a philosophy
Life,it would be then
Only.
But it's not like that
These days.

~Shashi Raj Pandey

मिल्ने भए..

मिल्ने भए,
म हुन्थेँ कतै
खुशी मनहरू संगै
यहाँ त केवल मन छ
निर्जिव।
न बोल्न खोज्छ
न सुन्न खोज्छ
एक्लिएर,
सोच्छ कती-
रुन्चे म।
उसै त,
चिटिक्क परेका लाग्छन् भित्ताहरूको
रंग फिक्का देख्छु,
अनी
लाग्छ घाम टाँसिएर
बादल लुक्छ आकाशमा
कुरुप बन्छ जग-अनी दिनहरू
हरेक।
एक फन्को मारेर,
कागहरू पनि
झ्यालै छेउ चित्र बन्छन्
बिरक्तिएर
काँ-काँ स्वोरहरू ती
प्रत्यक बिहान
मिल्ने भए....
म हुन्थेँ कतै
खुशी मनहरू संगै
यहाँ त केवल मन छ
निर्जिव ।

~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Nameless..

I don't have a name you want;it's same old me
With similar naive thoughts.Yet,but let it be
My childhood days;the best I have ever lived
So far.And your magic back then was believed
Not just taken.And you owe me nothing else now
A heart full of sorrow;it's just mine somehow.
Dark is in my head-and no your skin is my face
It's hollow look at me;and bone's stitches to case
All over.From every depth of goodness they could
And trying their best to shape me-and no one would.
Something that kept me nameless;I'd always wanted that
You could never poke my beliefs so sharp.And then what
Would daunt after-A name for a face you gave to be proud
And take me somewhere-'a stranger for an unknown crowd'

~Shashi Raj Pandey

I don't remember at times;I feel
It's all about believing
Above all-deep in my heart
I know that little.
And,
Whenever they will come;good things
In whatever ways no matter
Just lift your hands and get it
You can.
Yes,you can
A believer you are now-
Little children in the uphill
In wonderful colors of joy you dance.
And you don't worry but wonder.
Beautiful!You know it all,
The art of giving.
Hope,happiness-love
And,you always have a big space;
That much in you for all,and
You never care for else.
Nothing.You believe-
Life is a rootless tree,
Gifted from above.

~Shashi Raj Pandey

These parallel conversations-
The silent and the spoken
Should I laugh at myself,or
It's a felony-you have different rules here.
To respect one's insanity;that's good,above the ground
Because,
You always wanted to hide.
Nervous,and weak-hearted' all are
Not just at times,and only you.
I am not different at all.
More often I follow haunted traits.
And nowhere you find today as me
These trails of melancholy,
Empathy-ruminations;
Free walk.
But isn't that an adventure
You'd always wanted in
Life.

~Shashi Raj Pandey

Falling away from-yet near to the shore
I wonder if raining' is a magic you know
When you feel low with love,and alone
"Don't play on me,I don't want it more"
I'd say.But you won't stop for a while
And would soak me all day in melancholy
Like clouds;darkened and all over sky
Memories-how bad it may,it will grow.
Anyway.

~Shashi Raj Pandey

Goodbye Summer..

To the winter of valley-
How you always surround me in nostalgia
As for now; mountains are less brighter
And snow is melting with tears
I wonder how you will be-a month after now
Or can you stay like this forever.
Things are a never changing circle-in times
Of stagnation ', but heart always wants difference. Even then
Can it be, these breeze will never run out
And these mountains ' always stay white
And greens will be greener -more charm, and
Beautiful 'd be an essence of the surviving.
Let's hope for tomorrow morning,
I see a winter ' again;and be happy like as before
Goodbye summer.

~Shashi Raj Pandey

Just Like That

Just like that-
You won't believe it.
But it's been like this for a  long time.
A skeptic head is better than a sarcastic one.
With less on hand- An hour glass is  our life
No one can turn it-upside down,
While age remains , and youth is gone
Just like that.

~ Shashi Raj Pandey

After a short moment of sanity
Don't you want a dose of clarity?
A sudden realization-that pollutes
What is called a conscious mind you have.
You almost believed!
A liar I am.
For happiness is short,and as of life;
You have no idea.
Long long way to go my friend-
A little more of that is life.
Just a little more!

~Shashi Raj Pandey

काठमान्डौँ

यहाँ शहरमा,
उसै कोलाहल जमेको छ
मानिसहरु भित्र
अनी सडकमा,
हिंड्ने भन्दा थुक्ने बढी छन्
ज्ञानीहरु,र म। 
रत्नपार्कको एक छेउ,
शिरीशका रुखहरु 
आफ्नै छायाँ कुल्चदै झुम्मिएका
एकसुर
वसन्त पर्खदै-
नेपथ्य,
आफैमा स्वरुप खोज्दो छ निरन्तर
भ्रम-चेतना आगन्तुकको ।
हरेक साँझ,
उसका आँखाहरु रसाएको देख्छु
अनी सोच्छु,
आँशु सत्य कि चोट?
जब सपना फुट्छन्-
पालो मिचेर
एक पछी अर्को अनी,
मर्दो रहेछ भोक पनि
सुन्य भएर
यहाँ,
शहरमा

~ Shashi Raj Pandey

Some Things That Stay

That used to be-my things I'd give
And envy all that flies away.Softly
They sail in the golden aurora,and lure
Beings with lackluster heart-
We are.
I'd keep myself in melancholy
And weep all day in delusion;naive I am
And that's not living I know.Just trying to,
I forget.
Everytime to forgive is human
Not at times-we do.
Even then everyday,
Listen to the wind it says
As some seeds they wither to flower
We should let things go,and
That's how it works.
In life,
Some things they run so easy
And some things they stay.
Forever.

~Shashi Raj Pandey